surprises

I have had the most amazing surprises by nature. Once in a park I looked over a bridge that spanned a small creek and saw a mother raccoon and her four young ones. Absolutely adorable. I awoke one morning at dawn and to a skunk and two babies walking across our patio. Another time I watched two beavers from a riverbank. I never knew beavers were so big!

Chocolate Ice Cream - Heavenly Hash

I've got some, Heavenly Hash. It's my special treat. Crazy name. But it's fabulous. Crunchy bits of chocolate, and maybe nuts, in creamy chocolate ice cream.

Pull Back

I've pulled back, from anything I can pull back from that takes energy. I'm trying to reserve my strength. But I'm waiting to notice caterpillars and butterflies and breezes again. I did see geese on the wet lawn this morning. Two were like sentinels, keeping watch, while the others had their heads to the ground, eating? resting?

Too much texture

I'm looking at a painting I did a few days ago. Too much texture, maybe too much color? Like I put too much into my life? I can't believe I had all that energy back in September.

Recovering

So, we're going to the hotsprings in just over two weeks. I'm planning to let the water drain all of the stress out of me, and be healing like a poultice. I've actually never used a poultice...kind of old fashioned, but it might work. I've read about it.

Faith

I became very ill...a lot of different symptoms, and sometimes it takes that to knock you off your feet. Life wasn't meant to be lived this way. I am taking a faith step. I'm in the deepest water now, but I'm going to walk on it, not sink.

Take your own advice

I read a note from a friend today who felt amazingly invigorated, ready to go at life again after taking a much needed break from his regular schedule as a writer/lecturer. Today I am reminded that I need to do the same, take my own advice.

I'm back

Can you believe it? I just noticed I posted 50 posts in September. And I'm 50! That was a total coincidence. But it was not a coincidence that I did not post anything after that. My life got insanely busy!

sleep

I awoke tired... and ended up taking a nap in the afternoon. I push myself too long, maybe too hard. Just recently have I realized that I have another option. I can go to sleep before I'm ready to drop. What a concept!

anger

I saw by the thin line of his lips, and the sadness in his eyes, the way he looked away... he's been hurt. I could detect a few causes in our conversation, but I'm sure there is something deeper. I want to help. I don't know how. At the same time, I know I have to be patient, wait, be content with my part, one little puzzle piece in the whole. But his hurt comes out as anger, and so he gets hurt again.

conversation

The new "buzz word", but for the fact that people don't know how old it is, is "conversation". I was reading a book published in 1981 - that's nearly 30 years ago - talking about "conversation". Well, what's new under the sun?

learing to write

There is a method to this, and I don't think I've got it. But I'll work at it. I know a girl who knows how to write, although she doesn't think so. Whenever I read what she writes, I feel like I'm right in the middle of what she's experiencing. I love to read like that.

music ipod

A girl on campus walks around with her ipod and earphones. I've been wondering what she listens to. Today she worked with me during campus clean up and I suggested that we needed some good music to listen to. She told me her mom recently bought her an alarm clock. She got it out and put her ipod in it. I enjoyed her music.

waiting

I'm waiting... I thought a letter would arrive today. I thought I would hear the results of my counseling exam. Sheldon complimented me today, saying how effective I was after my counseling program, compared to before. Of course something so close to my heart made my eyes teary.

a good day

I was worried that I might not accomplish enough today, seeing that it was campus clean up day. It turned out to be a very productive day, in many ways. One student had an MRI on an injured shoulder. Another was able to confide in us his bad experience as an intern last year. A couple of gratis issues were resolved. One student left the campus. Sheldon received a thank you note and a gift from the pres. & and vice pres. for his work with conferences in the summer, and I mailed a letter to my mom.

unusual

As I am writing I am becoming aware of little things, little things I never write about. Like the fact that I have a glass jar of sunflower seeds on my desk.

hat

Last week I bought a hat. It's the kind of hat people wear inside these days. I don't wear hats, but I've always wanted to. And I have worn hats to shield myself from the sun, but not as a fashion statement. I asked myself, why not. Then I told myself I am no longer in my home town where people would perhaps mock. Well, there were a few people in my childhood who were like that. I wondered if that was why I did not wear a hat. None of those people are here, so I'm going to try it.

roses

On my desk are six dried roses, in a six inch high, ribbed, rectangular vase. They have dark red edges. I like them. When I look at them I get a pleasant sensation. Maybe because they are in contrast to the books and papers on my desk. They are just there, beautiful, not invading my space, not requiring anything, just doing something for me when I look at them.

introspection

Why am I doing this? Why? I think I have to get used to just spitting things out. There is a term, hyper vigilance. I think I am guilty of it. I get this queasy feeling thinking that stuff that's personal is out there. Maybe I'm wasting my time. Maybe I'm selfish. Maybe I'm foolish. I don't have a real purpose, an intention that involves growth or accomplishment. If it doesn't take away from growth or accomplishment, maybe I should be OK with that. I hate losing things, and I hate wasting my time. Everything should have a purpose, and this doesn't.

women in ministry

I wondered why it happened. Someone had a seizure in a meeting where a young woman I know was scheduled to speak. The plan was disrupted. She did not get the opportunity to share. I wonder why. A woman was invited in response to someone's message that they were boycotting the retreat because women speakers were not part of it. So why did this have to happen.